We all have done it, don’t read this and think ‘hell no, I am not that kind of a person’ because sooner or later, you will be. So, as I finally felt that I was recovered after ending things with my ex (who had to sleep with all of my “friends”), I decided to text. Sending him random messages, so that  it would look casual, like I am so over you, and with no double meaning. Such as ‘hey, how do I turn on the microwave? ‘, see? Random meaningless messages, just to know that the other guy exists and has also a life.

Well somehow these no-double-intention messages ended up in we making plans to, yes you guessed it, have sex. And it is so sad, because you know you are feeling you are a tough woman again, like ‘ain’t no man messing again with my feelings’. But then you realize that he who you no longer have feelings for, was hot rocking in bed. You tell yourself ‘that man, that dude slept with me for years, and he is the one guy who knows exactly how I like it’, and your goddamn self is completely right.

Then you finally get there, you took a shower, put your best game on, rolled a joint, bought some beer, you are in it for the kill. Right afterwards, you are panicking, you know like this dude really hurt me but hell how he moved than thing.  But you think again ‘I am a grown ass, tough woman, I am going through with it and I am gonna rock it’ so you go through with it. You have your fun, you laughed, he flirted, you said some dumb stuff, tried making up stories of how great your life is going (when the truth is that you have finished Netflix), you get the point.

Finally you get home, you take a good hard look at the mirror and you start cursing at yourself. Like why were you so stupid? Your crown fell off darling. You can’t help it anymore but to laugh at yourself, you are now too ashamed of telling your best friend because she will give you a well-deserved-slap. You end up laughing your way to bed, and rolling like a burrito, as a part of your pride slowly cries inside your soul.

‘But hell yeah, I had a good time’ your last self-comfort advice before you go on and have nightmares with that awful ex.

Written by: Agatha Hidalgo

Photography: Jorge Hidalgo del Rey

Model: Agatha Hidalgo